Holding back from being my badass self

holding back

As I write this, I am sitting outside in my backyard, typing with one eye open as the sun glares on my computer. This morning we had our home sprayed for a small spider issue that we have been having, and so we cannot go back inside for four hours. Isaac, my 13-year-old, is sleeping on the outside couch, Spencer, my 10-year-old is laying in the grass playing video games, Roger is doing what he loves, gardening, and I am writing.

But between every sentence or so I need to stop and untangle Yukon (my 5-year min-pin) as she is on a leash and keeps weaving in and out of the patio furniture. The other two dogs, Arizona and Indyana, are down on the grass, content as can be. The sun is so warm on my back that I wish I wore shorts so that I could tan my pasty white legs.

I shared all of the above because I am not holding back! I want to believe that you are sitting here with me, enjoying the sun. I’m so lonely these days! Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE spending time with Roger and the boys, but I miss other people. I am happy to say that I am meeting with many people online for coaching calls, webinars, business meetings, educational meetings, etc. So, I am seeing a lot of faces, but the screen is not the same. It may be the norm, but it is not the same.

Apologizing when I shouldn’t be

Last night I was on a coaching call for a program that I am in. The call was a time for us to share our wins and ask questions. About an hour into the call everyone went silent as if there were no more questions to be asked. So, I piped up, as I always do when there is silence, and asked a question. That question turned into a 30-minute conversation between me and my coach. I must say, that it was pretty epic and so many things made so much more sense as we discussed my challenge. At the end of the 30-minutes, I began to apologize to the group for taking up so much time and mentioned that I hope they too got something out of the discussion.

holding back - join a coaching program

Why was I apologizing?

At that moment, I knew that I reverted to my old ways, my pre-badass days. Why in the world was I apologizing for taking up time and space that I truly needed at that moment? Why did I feel bad that I took some time for me? And why did it matter if anyone else learned something from my discussion? This moment in time was about me, for me and that is 100% okay!

My coach caught what I said at the exact same time that I did. She reminded me that I am good enough and deserve the time and space that I need to get through my stuck. We then moved into a conversation all about why I said what I said. I realized that it came from memories as a child. It is not a secret that I like to talk, but when I was young, I remember people saying to me, “Sara, do you like the sound of your own voice?” I know that they were joking, but I must have internalized it and have held onto it all this time.

Holding back

I never want anyone to think that I hijacked a call, made the moment all about me, with no regard to anyone else. That all stems back to my childhood and last night I decided that it was time to let that all go as this mindset has been holding me back from me being my badass self.

We all have memories of things spoken over us and to us as kids. I know that I am not alone in this. If you are like me and those words have been holding you back, it’s time to let them go.

holding back - pop the balloon

Here are a few ways to help you remove those hurtful words from your life:

  1. Write them on a piece of paper and then burn the paper.
  2. Get an old plate (or buy one at the dollar store) and write all the words on the plate with a sharpie and then, in a safe place, smash the plate.
  3. Blow up a balloon, write all the words on the balloon and then pop the balloon.
  4. Join a program or a group where the lead/mentor/coach can help you move past this mindset so that you can live your life with power. (Side note: A Revitalized Live Beyond Satisfied Academy is coming soon!)

holding back - burning paper

We all have things holding us back and I want to see you move forward because the world needs you!

If you have yet to do so, I invite you to join our Badass Women’s group on Facebook

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